"Tell her drive very carefully, very carefully."-My Grandmother.

Heck yes! My parents have finally allowed for me to earn my learner's permit. Only to help with the driving to Mt.Rushmore, of course. But still I'm so much closer to my driver's liscence. Which is silly because this time next year I will be entering college. Not much driving there.

Valentine.

I love how words can be skewed when overused. Words like ironic, voyeurism, and so on. Fantasy is one as well. I admit it, I 'fantasize' quite a bit. Isolation is the best situation to create new ideas. I think about different life situations. At school, college, life in cities we have driven through. When I travel I watch for houses and landscapes I can recall. I imagine myself in Idaho running through the fields. Silly but I still would like to try. I imagine myself waking in a house I walked past in Washington, D.C. I flip through advertisements and catalogues and imagine a house filled with such goods. Sometimes I imagine them in the house I currently live in.

I think about Valentine and what his life will be after we graduate. I admit, I am worried. I like to imagine him in some form of abode writing his books and movie scripts, trapped at a desk with the curtains closed. I think of the way he sits at the desk hunched over scribbling in his black notebook with the jet black ink staining the paper. I recall the conversations in the cafeteria, his responses and wonder what he said will come true. It's none of my business but that does not prevent my thinking about it. I imagine situations with him as the starring role. He mentioned Iceland and I think about the National Geographics splayed on the floor. I think about the small empty apartments with no flooring or cabinetry. I think about the cold, the people, and the economy. And as I've said before, how he fits in. Or how I think he would fit in. How I would fit in. I don't.

I fantasize quite a bit. About new people I invent that I would like to meet. How different they will be with their cranberry lips and kohl lined lids, their accent and flaming red hair. How they will dress, act and what we would talk about. Music? Food? Sometimes they do not accept me, which is fine but I worry. I worry that I will not succeed that I will fail and end up back here. This bothers me. I prefer to think about his future instead.

Change.

The last I wrote in this blog was about Bush. Things-more specifically everything has changed. Last summer I was in a different situation. My grades were fine, my future bright. Life was good. Life is still 'good' but I'm not the way I used to be. I'm less proud and confident, which is fine because pride is a vice and confidence only comes with accomplishment. I have not accomplished much this past year, not anything that can be measured. I've definitely learned quite a bit. I've learned about new things. There's that word again-things. I'm much more aware than I have ever been about the world, people, and myself. Maybe surgery isn't the best field for me, physics might not be either. I know this now and I hope to learn more. I've been thinking about which direction my life can go in. I can be like my parents, or I could be a scholar. Both are still possible. I could be a drug addict, an alcoholic, or anything else derogatory. There's still a chance for anything to happen. The possibilities never cease to present themselves.

As or now I'm me as much I can be and I am whomever I currently am. I think I will change and I hope for the better. Of course there are the pieces of myself I can never completely remove. I will always be Navajo even when I wish not to be. I will always be a daughter, granddaughter, and a sister. And I hope to always remain myself. Girl Scouts honor. How I identify myself will change as I age. I like to think of my roles. Roles, as in the parts played in a theatre production. I wake wondering which role in society I will play today. Will I remain true to my family or will I be the Navajo girl? Both. I presume that when I have a family of my own (Gasp!) I will be a mother first and always. It all sounds so silly and trite and maybe it is but for now this is what I think about. Three years from now I will look back on this and laugh. Little girl thoughts. How cute. How lovely. But for now this is good enough.

rebuttal (?)

Is it considered a 'rebuttal' if I agree with the opinion but disagree with the reasoning? I am against Bush's policies, yes. But I am not exacerbated with Bush himself. I do consider his actions futile. But I am aware that he is not an individual. He is a puppet, controlled by greed and his party (Republican). I am against his plans and his actions, but it annoys me when people run around proclaiming their hate of Bush and wishing for his death. If he (Bush) jumped off the Sears Tower, we would still be in a recession. We would still be under his command, because 'his command' isn't really his and his actions are supported by a multitude of citizens as well as various people in power. Another thing that bothers me is Anti-Flag. Various other bands write and perform music that pertains to their personal opinions opposing Bush's actions. But Anti-Flag on the other hand opposes everything. But whatever, people do as they like.

Disney (Land)

Saturday! (May 26th)
Summertime in California. Cold.Very cold. We stopped in Barstow to change diapers. That was at one in the morning. Afterwards, we continued the never ending drive to Anaheim. There isn't much else to say. The next day we were eating lunch with (ugh) Ariel the Memaid. From there everything was pretty cool. I rode the HTH (Hollywood Tower Hotel) seven times. That was California Adventure. Honestly, Disneyland was a bit of a hype. The whole place smelled of sewer, and the rides were a little outdated. All in all, the whole trip was pretty awesome. It was nice getting out of Arizona. We spent six days in Anaheim/Garden Grove and one whole day driving OUT of L.A. Traffic was terrible. From Anaheim to Riverside we moved on average ten miles an hour. Which isn't bad, considering the trip to San Diego we barely oved at all. Anyway, we ended up in Phoenix (On purpose) and spent the night at my Uncle Jon's place. The next day we wandered around the mall then left.
Oh, by the way, Las Vegas is hell. We drove through there. First it was nothing, then we reached one of the poor areas. From there it turned into a Hoover town. (Homeless people seeking shelter beneath cardboard boxes and newspaper.) It doesn't sound like much, but you really had to be there. It wasn't just two to three people, it was the whole street. Both sides, lined with people. The corners and beyond contained them. What's crazy is, here are the extremely poor. Wheras up the street, people are making millions and throwing their money away. Ugh. It's almost like the Great Depression is starting all over again. It's crazy. The World has gone mad. But honestly, it wasn't sane in the first place.